The Time When It Wasn't A Panic Attack
by ItsDxrkInside
Summary: "Okay I'm dialling 911" Harvey heard the waver in Mike's voice as he ran towards the phone and began to dial the number. "No you're not" Harvey looked up at his associate with glassy eyes. There was no way he was going to a hospital. "Yes I am you could be having a heart attack!" Harvey/Donna, Harvey&Mike
1. Chapter 1

**ok guys i really needed to get this out there  
this was gonna be a one shot but now it will probs be a two shot - or who knows maybe even 3 .. nah it'll probs just be 2**

 **anyway enjoyyy**

* * *

 **THE TIME WHEN IT WASN'T A PANIC ATTACK**

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jessica questioned demanding an answer.

"I'm talking about Robert Zane and you bringing him in here without consulting me"

"I didn't bring in shit. Mike Ross brought Zane in without asking and I had to pretend to be on board with that too"

"And now you're hoping this leads to what you've always wanted – this things over Zane goes and Mike heads out the door with him" The agitation was clear in Harvey's voice and it wasn't often he was this angry at Jessica.

"That's enough! You need to get yourself under control right now!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"I'm talking about you have a problem and it doesn't have anything to do with me and you just expose it by bringing up some paranoid bullshit about Mike Ross going with Robert Zane! Because this all started when Donna left you and now you're afraid Mike's going to do the same thing" Harvey swallowed the lump forming in his throat and his jaw hardened as he bit back on his back teeth. He could feel it coming. "So you better get your abandonment issues under control cos Jack Sollof is going to keep coming and now you're going to have to put him down". It was definitely happening. His vision began to blur up and Jessica's sharp features were no longer so sharp. He turned around blinking hard. He needed to get out of there.

Harvey made his way down the corridor – how he managed, he had no idea. He couldn't see anything clearly, it was all just a blur, a mess of colours and the whole firm was spinning around him. He couldn't breathe. His breaths were coming out sharp and short and they were just about making their way through his thorax which had become extremely tight. He tugged at his collar slightly in attempt to loosen his airway but it didn't help. There was a tight sharp pain in his heart and it was spreading all over his chest. His whole upper body felt tight and he needed more than anything to drink some water and sit down. He walked towards where Gretchen was sat and thanked the heavens for helping him get this far to his office.

" _Mr Specter Mike Ross is waiting for you in your office"_

He heard some words but he wasn't sure what they were. He didn't have the capacity to try and think about what she had said – he just needed to get in there.

He walked into his office and found Mike standing near the window looking out of it.

"Hey I need to talk to you" The younger man turned towards Harvey at his entrance.

"Not now" Harvey's voice came out tight and restricted.

"I know you're mad from before but I need a favo-"

"I said not now" He began to undo his top buttons and loosen his tie. Mike looked over at him with eyes dressed in both shock and concern. He looked back at the younger man with wide eyes drowning in pain and desperation. He could feel beads of sweat building up along his forehead as the nausea kicked in. His chest began to throb – but this time, the pain was much worse and it was focused at his heart rather than all over his chest. It was a weird pain and it was mixed with a sense of numbness, it was almost as if someone was literally squeezing his heart. His heart began to flutter strangely and his heart beats begun to fluctuate.

"Harvey what's going on with you?" Mike's voice was filled with confusion and worry as he saw Harvey struggle to take in breaths.

"Nothing's going on – I need to go some water" Harvey around his desk and over to where the water was. He unscrewed the bottle and attempted to pour it into a glass only to find that his trembling hands got the better of him. The water spilt down his arm and Harvey's inability to pour himself a glass of water caused Mike to grow only more concerned.

"What the hell is going on?!" Harvey drank the water taking big swallows.

"Okay I'm dialling 911" Harvey heard the waver in Mike's voice as he ran towards the phone and began to dial the number.

"No you're not" Harvey looked up at his associate with glassy eyes. There was no way he was going to a hospital.

"Yes I am you could be having a heart attack!" A heart attack. The possibility never dawned upon him. He knew it felt different this time with the horrendous pain in his heart. But no, it couldn't be a heart attack – it was just a more severe panic attack. He would sit down, take a few deep breaths and then he would be fine again. But before he could say another word, the pain in his heart suddenly worsened and a sharp flare ran through his body making his chest feel like a bomb had exploded within it. He screwed his eyes and bit hard clutching onto his chest where his heart was. But the pain was too much and his legs suddenly became numb and crumbled beneath him.

"Harvey!" Mike dropped the phone and ran towards his boss who was on the floor clutching onto the couch. Mike ran by his side with wide eyes filled with fear at the sight of Harvey trembling on the floor clutching at his chest as if he was trying to rip it apart.

Just as he was about to pull out his cell phone to call for help, Jack Soloff appeared at the doorway – _great timing_ Mike thought to himself.

"Jack get the hell out of here" Mike quickly rose to his feet standing in front of Harvey almost as an act of protection.

"I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something but-"

"Jack now is not the time get out!" Mike wanted to punch the sly son of a bitch who could clearly see there was something wrong with Harvey but still decided to be a dick.

"You know-" But just as he was about to pull another line Gretchen appeared at the doorway.

"Jack I suggest you walk the hell out of this office or I'm gonna have to drag your sorry ass out – oh and trust me, you will be sorry" Gretchen folded her arms as she glared at the man.

In return Jack just shook his head and marched out.

"I've called for an ambulance they should be here soon" Gretchen told Mike who nodded in return.

"Is he alright?" Gretchen walked further into the room towards the men.

"I don't know" Mike replied in a shaky breath.

"Harvey?" Mike placed a hand on the older man's shoulder. Harvey was panting and had his eyes screwed shut but wasn't unconscious. Mike remembered back to the time when he was in the waiting room at the hospital when his Grammy had slipped at work and he was flicking through some leaflets. He had read a first aid one about what to do when someone was having a heart attack and since he was pretty sure it was a heart attack, he thought it would be used to put that knowledge to use.

"Harvey I need you to sit up straight. Lean against the couch." Harvey made no attempt to move which led to Mike having to help position him so he was resting against the couch.

The pain had spread everywhere. All up his back, down his arms and along his jaw. It was terrifying. His breaths were still coming out short and sharp and his vision was still somewhat blurry. And on top of that, his head was spinning crazily and he wanted more than anything for it to stop. He heard Mike talking to him telling him to sit up but he couldn't – he just didn't have it in him.

Mike swallowed the huge lump that had formed in his throat. Harvey was having a heart attack. Harvey who was so strong and appeared so emotionless had become so vulnerable and pained and it hurt Mike to see him like that. He didn't know what else to do. He could get some aspirin but that would probably be in the kitchen and that was too far. He kept his hand firmly on Harvey's shoulder and prayed the paramedics would arrive soon.

* * *

Donna was sat at her desk rearranging some meetings for Louis when about 5 paramedics rushed past her desk carrying a stretcher. She frowned slightly and stood from her desk wondering what on earth they were doing here. Just as she was about to make her way down, Jessica appeared in front of her.

"What the hell happened?" Jessica questioned the woman who always knew everything but this time didn't have an answer.

"I really don't know but" She paused and squinted her eyes moving to the side slightly so she could see better "I think they're going towards Harvey's office".

Jessica's eyes met Donna's and they both raced down the corridor.

They reached outside Harvey's office and Donna stopped dead in her tracks right in front of her old desk. She watched, her eyes filled with shock and horror as the paramedics rushed passed her with a gurney and on top of the gurney, was Harvey. His face was masked with a look of pain even Donna had never seen before. Donna's eyes filled with tears and her mouth fell slightly ajar. One of Harvey's hands clutched at the side of the gurney and the other at his chest and she could see the pain he was in was unbearable and the sight caused her heart to snap into two.

Mike ran behind the paramedics but was stopped by a hand grabbing at his arm.

"Mike w-what..." It was all she could manage as she found herself unable to let out the rest of the words.

"What happened?" She looked over at Jessica who stood besides her wearing the same expression of shock Donna was wearing but it was masked with some composure.

Mike took a deep breath before he spoke.

"He's having a heart attack." And with that he took off behind the paramedics.

* * *

 **hope you liked that thanks for reading :) next chapter should be up soonnn**

 **dont forget to review:)))**


	2. Chapter 2

**ok guys  
i know i said this would most probs be a 2 shot but this chapter was getting kinda long so i decided to make it a 3 shot o_0  
**

 **the next one will be more darvey orientated  
**

 **but i hope you like this**

 **harvey kinda loses it i thought it would be interesting to do it so...**

 **but anyway i hope you like this let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

Mike was sat on a chair beside Harvey's bed staring at the older man whose chest was slowly rising and falling. He had an oxygen mask over his face and was still unconscious but he was now in a stable condition. The doctor had said he needed to look into what happened and then would get back to Mike as he said the case was more complex than just a heart attack. Mike sighed heavily running a hand down his face. It had scared the shit out of him seeing Harvey like that. Never would he have imagined Harvey could become so vulnerable, that something like this could happen to Harvey. As stupid as it sounded, he had viewed Harvey as so strong that nothing could happen to him – almost indestructible. And to think that out of all things Harvey had a heart attack – it brought tears to Mike's eyes. He knew there must be havoc back at the firm after they had all witnessed Harvey being taken away on a stretcher. He had received a phone call from a very panicked Donna saying Jessica and her would come down to the hospital very soon. It had been an hour and Mike had been sitting by Harvey's side praying he would wake up soon.

His musings were suddenly interrupted by a slight moan coming from the older lawyer. He quickly raised his attention to Harvey who was moving his head slightly.

"Harvey?" Mike called out hoping for an answer.

But there was no response. Just the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

Mike sunk back in his chair and ran a hand through his head.

10 minutes later just as he was deciding to get himself a cup of coffee, he sensed some more movement.

"Harvey?" He called out for the second time hoping this time Harvey would really wake up.

Harvey's eyes began to flicker and once open; they began to scan the room. He finally spotted Mike and let his eyes rest blinking slightly. Mike watched as he reached for his oxygen mask attempting to take it off. Mike reached forward and helped him remove the breathing aid from his face.

"Mike?" Harvey questioned genuinely perplexed.

"Hey" Mike sighed with relief "How're you feeling?"

"What happened?" He croaked out looking extremely lost.

"You urm ... you had a heart attack" Mike said swallowing hard. Damn did he really dislike saying that?

"WHAT?!" Harvey yelled out attempted to sit up.

"Harvey hey relax" Mike said standing from his seat and using both hands to push Harvey back down.

"I had a heart attack?!" Harvey's eyes were wide and sweat began to build up along his forehead slightly.

"Yes but you need to calm down you're okay now" Mike attempted to reassure his friend who has growing panicked at the situation.

"Why am I alive?"

"Sorry?" Mike raised his eyebrows taken aback by the question.

"You heard me why am I alive?!" Harvey repeated with more emphasis on the words.

"Harvey because the doctors saved you that's what they're for – what's wrong with you?"

"Well then why couldn't they save my father?!" Harvey was shouting now and his heart monitor began speeding up.

Mike blinked realising why it was bothering Harvey so much.

"Look Harvey I'm sorry. I can't tell you why but you need to relax – the fact is you're okay and that's what matters now okay?" Mike was getting extremely worried and kept glancing at the heart monitor and wondering whether he should call a doctor.

"NO IT'S NOT OKAY! If my dad couldn't survive a heart attack then how should I deserve to?!" Harvey began to sit up and pushed away Mike's hands which attempted to push him back down.

"Harvey please calm down" Mike's voice began to waver again the way it had done back at the office.

"No! No I'm not gonna calm down! They can save me but they can't save him?!" The heart monitor was going crazy now and Mike didn't know how to deal with the situation. He pressed the buzzer to call for a doctor.

"Harvey I'm sure they tried. But please, please, please just relax!"

"NO! NO, this isn't right!" He pushed away the sheets and attempted to get out of the bed but it was his own feeling of weakness that stopped him, not Mike's hands.

"He should've survived he was a good man! I shouldn't have survived!" Mike didn't know what had gotten into the older man he was completely losing his mind. Mike put his hands on Harvey's shoulders and prayed that the rapid beeping coming from the machines would slow down and that the doctors would get here quick.

"Harvey" Harvey was frantically shaking his head and looking around and trying to get out of Mike's grip "HARVEY!" Mike shouted but it made no difference. Mike turned around as the doors opened and a few doctors and nurses raced in.

They pushed him aside and went to hold Harvey down. Behind them Mike also saw Donna enter.

"Oh my God Mike what's happened?!" Donna ran and stood beside Mike's side a hand covering her mouth.

"I- I don't know Donna he just started to lose it he was talking about his father and I don't know Donna I tried to calm him down but I don't know what suddenly happened to him oh shit" Mike ran a hand down his face and watched as the doctors pinned Harvey down in attempt to calm him.

"He's gonna be okay he's-" But she stopped there when she suddenly heard the line go flat.

Her mouth fell open and a tear slipped down her cheek.

Mike stood too shocked to know how to react. His hands hanging loosely by his side and his eyes wide.

His heart had stopped beating. Harvey's heart had stopped beating. He was dead.

The two watched in shock as the doctors quickly rushed around and pulled out the defibrillator.

They set the machine up and hovered the two metal pads above Harvey's chest.

Donna laced her fingers through Mike's and squeezed his hand tightly who in turn squeezed back.

The tears rushed uncontrollably down Donna's face and Mike's eyes also began to fill up.

"Clear" The doctor in charge shouted out causing the others to step back.

The metal pads were brought down to Harvey's chest causing his body to jerk up with extreme force.

Donna gasped moving closer to Mike and a tear slipped down one of Mike's cheek.

With no response the doctors muttered something amongst themselves.

"Go again – increase charge" The lead doctor shouted causing the others to rearrange the settings on the machine.

"Clear" He shouted for the second time and once the others had stepped back, he brought the pads down again. Harvey's body jerked up hard and Mike and Donna both tensed squeezing one another's hands hard.

There was still no response.

"Okay last time" The doctor said to the others.

"Mike" Donna whispered through sobs. Mike put an arm around her and pulled her close. He let another tear slip down his face.

"Clear" He yelled for the last time and Donna squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face into Mike's side unable to watch.

The pads were brought down, Harvey's body jerked up and both Mike and Donna's world stopped for a few seconds at hearing no response. And then suddenly, the monitor began to beep.

There were handshakes and brief hugs between the doctors and the doctor in charge wiped a hand over his forehead. Mike never thought he would have appreciated the noise of beeping so much in his life.

Donna opened her eyes and looked from Harvey and back to Mike. Her hand covered her mouth and she suddenly broke down into tears. Mike brought her into an embrace and hugged her tight. They were both still in shock at what had happened right in front of their eyes.

The doctor came over to them and gave a small sympathetic smile.

"Hi I'm Dr. Wells. I'm sorry you guys had to watch through that I know this must be very hard for you but Mr. Specter is safe now and we will do our absolute best to ensure he stays that way." The doctor sounded genuine and sincere and Mike was grateful for that.

"Thank you doctor" Mike said wiping and hand down his face. Donna released herself from the hug and wiped at her face before giving the doctor a small smile.

"I'm gonna have to ask you guys to leave now we have to do some more checkups and scans on Mr. Specter. Feel free to wait in the waiting room I'll be out within 10 minutes to tell you what we've found so far."

They both thanked and nodded at the doctor. Donna turned to look and Harvey's pale face once more before walking out.

* * *

They were sat in the waiting room in complete silence for what seemed like forever when Jessica rushed in.

"What happened? Is he okay?" Jessica asked growing concerned at the mascara stains on Donna's face and Mike's red eyes.

Donna just shook her eyes as another few tears quickly slipped down her cheeks.

"We almost lost him" Mike said quietly not making eye contact with Jessica looking down at her hands.

"Oh my God" Jessica whispered quietly sitting down on a seat opposite them.

A few minutes later Dr. Wells walked in and all 3 of them stood up.

"How is he?" Donna was the first to speak.

"Mr. Specter is in a stable condition. He have him sedated and he should wake up in a few hours. Now I'm not sure if you guys were aware of this but we've just spoken to a psychiatrist Mr. Specter was seeing and she has informed me that he was in fact having panic attacks." Mike, Jessica and Donna all looked at the doctor in shock not quite believing what they were hearing. Harvey Specter having panic attacks?! And yet nobody knew. "Now we're not sure as to why as due to privacy reasons she cannot inform us of any more information but you guys may know if there was a reason for him to be having these attacks – perhaps he was stressed or was suffering from anxiety or fear?"

Donna swallowed hard as her eyes began to fill up once again.

She knew why.

"Anyway, as far as I can tell, this particular attack started off as a panic attack and it was quite an immense attack and led to a heart attack. I think the best thing now for you guys is to ensure Mr. Specter is kept content and stress free without any anxiety as these attacks could potentially happen again. I'll see you guys later if we find anything else or when Mr. Specter wakes up."

They thanked the doctor and all stood in silence.

"Mike when did it happen?" Jessica was the first to break the silence with an unusual flash of guilt in her eyes.

"I was – I was urm... in his office and he walked in ... and he urm he just ... I think it was happening then" Mike cleared his throat slightly and swallowed hard.

They stood in silence for another few seconds before Jessica broke it again.

"Oh my God" She whispered "This is all my fault" Mike and Donna both looked up at her in shock.

"What?!" Mike questioned in shock.

"Oh my god" Neither had them had ever seen Jessica Pearson so lost for words and wearing such a horror stricken expression.

"Jessica what the hell did you do?!" Mike demanded anger beginning to well up inside of him.

"Jessica?" Donna croaked in disbelief.

"He came into my office complaining about Robert Zane and me going behind his back and then I told him it was you who brought Robert in" She said gesturing towards Mike "He started saying how I wanted you gone which is why I was saying that. And then I told him to get his ... to get his abandonment issues under control and that it was because Donna left him and he was afraid you would do the same." Jessica's eyes began to fill up slightly as both Donna and Mike looked up at her in astonishment. "He walked out and I thought there was something wrong with him ... like the words really got to him ... I didn't know ... I ... oh my God"

Mike saw Jessica's broken expression and tried to let his anger subside. How could she say something like that to him?! She knew Donna leaving had been hard on him and yet she used it against him. And what's worse is she used Mike leaving against him as well! Had it been anyone else Mike would have had them against the wall – but Jessica cared about Harvey and he could tell by looking at her face just how bad she felt and the fact that Jessica Pearson had lost her cool, showed just how guilty she really was feeling.

Donna hadn't said anything.

A tear slipped down her face as she shook her head slightly.

"I need some air" She whispered before racing out of the waiting room.

* * *

About 15 minutes later, Mike and Jessica were sitting in the waiting room and Donna still hadn't got back. Mike couldn't get the sound of the flat line out of his head and the way Harvey's body jerked up violently when the pads were brought down to shock him. It was horrible.

He looked up to see Louis and Rachel rush in. Louis looked a bit hesitant but his face was still covered with concern. He wasn't on good terms with Harvey since Donna left but the fact that he was still here, caused Mike to respect him a little.

"How is he?" Louis said hesitatingly sitting down.

"He's urm better than before ... let's just say it was a close call" Mike said shaking his head slightly and then burying his face in his hands.

Rachel came and sat beside him and began to rub his back.

"Hey" She said softly "He's gonna be okay"

"Rachel you should've seen him I have never seen him like that before it was ... it hurt" Mike cupped his face with his hands.

"But he's okay now, it's over"

"Rachel he died in there – they had to bring him back alive and I had to watch through it knowing fully that he was so close to death. I mean if anything had happened to him I don't know what I'd do ... he's like ... he's like the older brother I never had I-" He stopped there knowing he couldn't go on.

Rachel brought and arm around him and hugged him tight.

They sat like that for a few minutes before Rachel noticed a missing presence.

"Where's Donna?" She asked.

* * *

 **thanks for reading leave your reviews :))**


	3. Chapter 3

**ok guys heres the 3rd and last chapter**

 **thanks so much for all your reviews they mean alot**

 **im abit unsure about the ending i hope its ok**

 **there may or may not be an epilogue depending on whether i feel like it;)**

 **this is the first multi chapter fic ive actually finished lol**

 **but i hope you like this :))**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3**

Donna stood clutching at the sink with tears streaming down her face. It was all her fault. She looked up at her reflection. She looked terrible. Her mascara had trailed down her face and her eyes were puffy from crying so much. Her lip suddenly began quivering again and she ran the tap and splashed her face with water. She took deep breaths in attempt to get rid of the nausea so she wouldn't end up crouched in front of the toilet throwing up again like she had just done. She rinsed her mouth to get rid of the vile taste of vomit.

It was the guilt. It wouldn't go away. The huge weight of blame on her shoulders and pitting from deep down inside her. It was all her fault. He had been having panic attacks because _she_ left him and today that had very nearly led to death.

She loved him more than any man she had ever known – and now there was no denying it. He had come so close to death and all she could think of was how scared she was of losing him. She couldn't cope if anything happened to him – he meant too much to her. She had spent all this time running away from the truth but now it had been confirmed the hard way.

The door swung open and Donna turned to see a rather worried looking Rachel rush in.

"Donna there you are I've been looking for you everywhere!" Rachel walked forward towards her friend and her faced filled with sympathy at seeing Donna's state.

"Aw Donna" Rachel said softly leaning against the sinks like Donna was and putting an arm around her. Donna let her arm rest on Rachel's shoulder.

"It's ok" Rachel said comfortingly rubbing Donna's shoulder "He's okay now"

"Rachel he was –"

"It's ok, Mike told me but he's fine now okay and he's going to get better"

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Donna spoke.

"It's all my fault" She whispered.

"What?!"

"He was having panic attacks" Donna swallowed hard "They started when I left him. The doctor said the panic attack was what led to the heart attack it's all my fault I should never have left him I-" Donna stopped not able to go on.

"Donna" Rachel said turning to face her friend "Donna" She repeated causing Donna to look up at her.

"Hey, what's happened has happened. I don't want you thinking you caused this because whatever you did, it was the first time you did anything for yourself and you had no idea about any of this. Now I need you to be strong, Harvey needs you to be strong for him – you need to be his rock like you always have been. Can you do this? Look at me Donna." Donna looked up at Rachel through glassy eyes "Can you do this?" Rachel repeated and Donna nodded and wiped at her eyes.

Rachel and Donna both made their way through to the waiting room where everyone else was sitting.

The pair sat down and Louis turned towards them.

"You can go in and sit with him if you like" He said to the two of them but aiming it mostly towards Donna "I think Mike was in there but he's gone for a walk"

Donna nodded and Rachel placed a hand on her back and ushered for her to go.

Donna walked towards the door and stopped for a minute before hesitantly walking in.

* * *

"Is she okay?" Louis asked Rachel sounding concerned.

"She thinks it's her fault" Rachel said shaking her head.

"What?! Why?!"

And then Rachel explained the whole situation to him including Harvey's panic attacks and Louis sat in shock taking in the news. He then realised he played a role in this as well as Donna.

* * *

She took a few steps in but stopped as she approached his bed.

Part of her wanted to rush in and throw her arms around him and promise she would never to anything to hurt him again and another part of her couldn't see him like this and wanted to run far, far away and pretend none of this ever happened.

There was an oxygen mask over his face and several tubes surrounding him. He was connected to a drip and a heart monitor that was steadily beeping to confirm he was alive. His face was slightly pale but he looked so peaceful. It all made the powerful Harvey Specter look so vulnerable and weak.

She walked over to him, her eyes filling up with tears again and sat on the seat next to his bed.

"Oh my God" She whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek. His breathing was raspy and he looked extremely weak but Donna was grateful for the rising and falling of his chest.

She took his cold hand in hers and held it in both hands warming it. She sat there for a few minutes sobbing silently before placing a hand on his forehead. She brought her hand back and brushed it through his hair a few times.

"I'm so sorry Harvey" She whispered to him even though he probably couldn't hear her.

* * *

Louis stood in the doorway his eyes slightly watery. He may not have had the greatest relationship with Harvey but that didn't mean he thought of the man as any less than a brother. He loved Harvey like a brother loves his brother and seeing Harvey like this hurt him. He was so used to Harvey being the stronger and more powerful one who always had more authority over Louis, who Louis was always trying to please, and now seeing him so vulnerable was so hard and Louis would swap places with him gladly.

Since Donna had left him and come to work for Louis, he had been rubbing it in Harvey's face and taking every opportunity to make Harvey feel shit. He knew it affected Harvey; he knew he was angry and pissed off at Louis but never did he think Harvey would be genuinely hurt, that it would affect Harvey this much. He underestimated how much she meant to him.

He turned away unable to watch anymore. The moment was too personal and he didn't think it was right to stand here and listen. He had to do something.

* * *

Donna leaned forward and rested her head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. The beat that had almost permanently stopped.

She took in his scent and nestled into him. The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound in the room – but she was glad it was there. Her thoughts went back to when it had flat lined, that terrifying sound came back to her ears. The guilt suddenly came rushing back to her.

"I'm so so sorry Harvey" She whispered into him. "This is all my fault" Her voice wavered slightly and fresh tears began appearing.

She suddenly felt a hand caressing her hair. It was soft and gentle as it slowly stroked her head.

She lifted her head up and her eyes met with his.

"Harvey" She said smiling through her tears.

His hand came up slowly onto her face and he used his thumb to wipe away her tears. But this caused her only to release more.

He reached for his oxygen mask and removed it.

He tried to push himself up but struggled slightly causing her to rush forward and help him into a sitting position.

"Hey" He said quietly, a small smile appearing on his face.

"How are you feeling?" She said her voice equally quiet as she smiled back at him.

"I'm fine" He replied not taking his eyes off her.

He examined her face and saw straight past the smile she had conjured up. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her hair was unusually messy. She looked terrible and he could tell how upset she was and he hated it. He hated seeing her like this.

"Care to tell me why you think this is your fault?" She looked at his slightly shocked that he had heard her. She suddenly blushed slightly and looked down at her hands.

"Donna?"

"I should never have left you"

"What?" He asked slightly perplexed.

"Harvey I know about your panic attacks" And this time it was him who was in shock "And I also know why you were having them" She said quietly.

He looked into her eyes; they were filled with guilt – guilt and sadness. He couldn't take it, she didn't deserve to feel guilty about this.

"Donna in all these years you've put me before you, you've sacrificed my happiness for yours and this is the first time you've done something for yourself and I don't want you feeling bad about it just because I suffered" His voice was soft and comforting yet it had a sense of sternness to it that would make anyone listen to him.

"But you almost died" She whispered.

"Almost" He repeated with a small smile taking her hand in his "But I'm fine now and I don't want you carrying the guilt around on your shoulders"

Just as she was about to say something, the door swung open and they both turned to see Louis standing there.

"Harvey" He said walking in "You're awake, how are you?"

"I'm good thanks Louis"

Louis nodded when in reality he wanted to throw his arms around the man and he would've done had this been a few months ago.

"Well you're both in here together so I can tell you both at the same time. Donna I'm urm firing you – I don't want you working for me. And Harvey" He turned to Harvey who had a frown on his face "Gretchen's left you she said she doesn't want to work for you so I offered her a job ... and she took it so yeah" He nodded at the two of them before turning to leave.

Harvey and Donna both turned to look at each other.

"Louis" Harvey said shaking his head with a smile on his face.

"So where are you gonna go now?" Harvey asked smirking slightly.

"Well do you know anyone in need of an awesome secretary" She replied a smile growing on her face.

"I might do" He said a grin breaking out onto his face.

* * *

 **thanks for reading :))**


End file.
